The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas it was half-assed at best,
The big kids were fighting, Charlotte was biting my breast.

The stockings were hung, all seven trees dressed,
but this year the gifts lacking bows looked distressed.

In lieu of gift tags I'd Sharpied the names,
in the upper right corners I'd attempt some new game.

No sleep I had had not one darn silent night,
worse yet my pre-pregnancy pants were still way too tight.

We went to church anyhow to celebrate the main event,
I sat there wondering if Mary had ever felt this spent.

We departed in peace to a cold winter night,
to fix Santa his treats, then have a bite.

It would be Chick-Fil-A or maybe some Kraft,
thought I knew Dear Husband would prefer a cold draft.

When what to our wondering eyes did appear
but snow in the South flakes big, cold and clear.

Our twins went wild, they skidded and shrieked,
their interest in Santa was gone, in getting wet it peaked.

Elizabeth made angels, William went down the slide,
the babe went to bed while I got the Tide.

The moon rose up high, they claimed to be tired,
we knew in our hearts, however, that they'd be long wired.

We gave baths and read stories of magic this night,
it took much work before we had them in bed snuggled tight.

Then the effort began for Dad and myself
as we'd not yet done everything we should as good elves.

We ran out of tape and paper so cute,
I had to hide one Santa gift in an old cowboy boot.

At last we retired, though we knew it'd be brief,
for our newborn holds the position as Commander-in-Chief.

But as my eyes closed that cold Christmas Eve,
I thought to myself, I am so pleased.

For I am a woman rich with family safe and warm,
who care not how my clothes fit or how my hair is shorn.

Perfection has its virtues here in the 'burbs,
but not at my house this year, no, it sure won't be served.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!